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Happy July 4th! Here’s another one on the house from Dispatches from the Swinging Door Saloon.

If I Were Mayor

If I were mayor, I would draft an ordinance

making you my only citizen,

and I would appreciate you so much

that I would never tax you,

and I would let you ride around town

in the fire truck, sirens on.

I would make sure the diner downtown

had a ham sandwich named after you,

and every weekend

there would be a parade in your honor,

and you would ride on the back

of an old DeSoto convertible and wave.

But the car would have to drive itself

because I would be marching alongside,

banging a big drum or showing off

on horseback while doing rope tricks

and playing the harmonica.

At dusk, I would play

the You Spangled Banner

on my trumpet

and, at nightfall,

I would launch fireworks into the sky.

And we would sit there together

for hours, holding hands

and sipping mojitos

in rocking chairs

on the porch of an old mansion,

as the bunting rustles in the gentle breeze

and the fireflies come out to mate.

And you, having been properly honored,

would tell me you love me,

lighting a fire in me that would burn

so bright God himself

would be forced to wear shades

as he sits in his lawn chair and smiles,

having very much enjoyed our show.


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